Dearest Deflated Santa,
Is that your head I see being swept in wind like an empty plastic bag? By the time January rolls around, you’ll be as useless to shopping malls as tits on a bull. In the meantime, feel free to enjoy the admiration of countless children who believe in lies.
The last guy with a long white beard who went down my chimney never served time – despite numerous accusations.
I doubt Mama Claus knows about your checkered past.
How long before your name pops up in the Paradise Papers?
If I were you, I’d keep a low profile.